Now I know how you felt.
Being alive was really hard for you, right?
I've had days when I wake up in the morning and have a strange feeling like I'm not worthy enough to start the day, especially without you.
I've had nights when I can't fall asleep no matter how many pills I took, and think of you until my pillow's wet.
I've had moments when I drive for hours until I reach the ocean, and stare at my passenger seat like you were there smoking your imported Gitanes.
Kurt Cobain took his own life in 1994, he ended his final letter with "It's better to burn out than to fade away."
We were so young when you first introduced me to his music and told me the story of his life, so I didn't quite understand what fade away meant until I finally lost you.
It's hard to imagine what you were going through.
But seeing all the things you did to yourself, it seems to me like you really did fade away, right in front of my very eyes. And in the end, you eventually reached a point where there was nothing left.
Thank you for everything. I'm forever grateful that I have met you in this lifetime. I may have chose to walk on a different path from now on, but I will always honor you and try to make our dreams come true to keep your legacy alive.
So long, my crazy diamond.
I hope you're in a better place now.
PS. If you ever meet Amy there, please let her know how much I adored her.
Spoiler for mazzy star: