10th of August 19
Sometimes we have thoughts that even we don’t understand. Then all she can do is just taste the salty tears and think of all that flashback memories "sometimes they are relief, sometimes they are torture", said her mind deeply. Feeling like her soul screaming inside but nobody can hear it. It feels like her cells are wreaking underneath over and over. She had made herself very clear but no one's coming forward to stop her cutting herself. As we know, y'all cared but none of you cared enough.
That day, middle of the night, she got overdose. She could hear, her mom burst out crying. She know, she did an evil thing. She know it's the worst decisions she ever made, and the damage life behind. Perhaps, some of you wondering "why she did, what she did?" or "did she just wanna attract attention? No, she didn't do self-harm to looking for attention. For her, it was something that she thought might make her feel better to ease her pain.
Everyone is fighting a battle we don't know about, and it's important to her. She needs to forget about sexual assault that happened to her when she was a child till she growin' up. She try to made peace with it. She wish she didn't care at all. Eventhough she knew it's not easy cause when we turn 18 or more, we've never had an constant thought. Sometime, when she get closer it's start all over again. That traumatic feelings give her whiplash and created more angry, empty and confused. On her smile, she knew that depression doesn't always mean tear stained face.
She remember when that guy trying to help her. But she left, cause she already know that she might be a burden to others. For some reason, he's not like every other guy. He's different, he's good, and kind, and decent. She didn't deserve to be with someone like him. She never would, cause everything that's ever happened to her would have ruined him so hard.
And one day, when she found that everything not matters anymore. When everything not affects everything. So, it's the end, there's nothing more to say and she finally did what she want. She died alone, bring many words unspoken, burning in her heart.