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[Writing] Improve your writing, get it revised by others
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https://www.kaskus.co.id/thread/000000000000000000946348/writing-improve-your-writing-get-it-revised-by-others

[Writing] Improve your writing, get it revised by others

We had this thread before, checking other people's writing.

So shall I go first? emoticon-Smilie

Here's the text.

Despite the intensive and short period of the course, I was able to befriend with other students, especially those from Hong Kong. I am very fortunate to have taken Prof. Choi’s managerial accounting. What I’ve experienced through this course is just inexplicable. BUT, I am confident that it was an overwhelmingly positive experience.

Feel free to edit.
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tata604 dan 2 lainnya memberi reputasi
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Quote:
emoticon-Smilieemoticon-Smilie

despite the fact that the course was short,i managed to made new friends, especially those from HK. I'm a lucky person to have taken subject under prof Choi. My experience when i was taking the course is unexplainable,yet i know its a good one.

[edited version - shiro] emoticon-Malu
i can't get it ??? whats the rules ??
TS said it clearly on the post title

"[Writing] Improve your writing, get it revised by others"

He said to revise the writing here, that means you can edit his writing to your own version and then hopefully somebody gonna revise your version and so on.

its not necessary TS's writing,but anybody else could post his writings and let the others revise it as i can see....


hope it helps, and please rectify if i'm wrong, TS.

cheers.
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adniatisiti03 memberi reputasi
got it emoticon-Embarrassment sorry emoticon-Embarrassment
no prob lolz emoticon-Peace

:)

Quote:


good try.

Despite the intensive and short period of the course, I was able to make friends with other students, especially those from Hong Kong. I am very fortunate to have taken Prof. Choi’s managerial accounting. What I’ve experienced through this course is simply exemplary. Overall, it was an overwhelmingly positive experience.

thats what i got emoticon-Smilie
this is just an example.
people could post their essays and whatever they need that needs corrections.
Quote:


My version:

Despite the intensive and short nature of the course, I was able to befriend other students, especially those from Hong Kong. I was very fortunate to have taken Prof. Choi’s managerial accounting. What I’ve experienced through this course was enlightening. BUT, I am confident that it was an overwhelmingly positive experience.

I'm not sure about the grammar... Im not very good at grammar in the first place. But i think i managed to lessen the awkwardness of a few sentences
Quote:


Here's the text

Despite the intensive and short amount of time of the course, i was able to befriend with other student, especially those who came from Hongkong. Ultimately, I'm very fortunate to have Prof. Choi as my lecturer in this managerial accounting's course. What i've experienced and learnt throughout the course was inexplicable and great. But one thing to be sure of, this course gave me huge amount of confidence and experience (knowledge)

he he this is my version (dont hate it but can comment on it)

ciao
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good thread, someday will be very usefull for me and others whose needed, thanks for the TS emoticon-Big Grin
hey can i submit an essay then get you guys to revise it?
well not now, someday emoticon-Big Grin
sure... that's what the thread is for i think. That's perfectly ok.
sounds great, but i have no idea what should i write in here
Quote:

your english is great. there're just a couple of things that're bothering me:

"I was able to befriend with other students"

it should either be "I befriended other students" or just a simple "I made friends, many of whom are from HK"

my version of your paragraph would be"

Despite the course's intensive and short period, I was able to make friends, many of whom are from HK. I am very fortunate to have taken Prof. Choi's Managerial Accounting class. Although what I experienced throughout the course is mostly inexplicable, however, I can say for certain that it was an overwhelmingly positive experience.
i want to explain my mind but i can't ...emoticon-Smilie
Quote:


Just my two pennies...

"Despite the intensity and brevity of the course, I made friends with other students, especially those from Hong Kong. I am very fortunate to have taken Prof. Choi's managerial accounting course. Words alone would not suffice to describe the experience that I have gained through this course but it was, without a doubt, an immensely positive one."
Ok... new excerpts for everyone to practice on. This paragraph was taken from an essay concerning American literatures and fiction during the period of the westward expansion. A paper i wrote several years ago when i was still an undergrad. I dont need it to be corrected per se as they're already been graded, but i just thought it might make a good practice.

Quote:


Give it your best shot...
Just an undergrad giving his best shot... emoticon-Smilie

Been a while since I was here... emoticon-army:


Quote:




Not very good in English myself so I'll take corrections happilyemoticon-kisssing

Just my .02 emoticon-Smilie
Quote:


Either use "However", or use the "although". Refrain from the use both of 'em emoticon-Ngacir
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