OBAMA, PUTIN AGREE NEVER TO SPEAK TO EACH
OTHER AGAIN

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ
LOUGH ERNE, NORTHERN IRELAND (The Borowitz
Report)—The G8 summit ended today on a
constructive note, with President Obama and
Russia’s Vladimir Putin reaching a broad agreement
never to speak to each other again.

“It’s better this way,” said Mr. Obama, frostily
standing in the general vicinity of Mr. Putin for the
last time ever. “We truly despise each other.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Mr. Putin, looking as
though he had just smelled something bad. “My
hatred of this man knows no bounds.”

According to the agreement, economic coöperation,
cyber security, human rights, the war in Syria, and
the New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft’s
missing Super Bowl ring are among thirty-seven
different topics that the two men will never again
discuss.

Additionally, at all future summits, if either Mr.
Obama or Mr. Putin enters a room the other man
will be obligated to leave immediately.

The two men reached agreement on an
unprecedented number of points, including never
contacting each other via telephone or e-mail and
keeping a minimum of five hundred feet away from
each other’s residences.

After signing the agreement, the two men shook
hands for the final time and scowled bitterly for
photographers.

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Photograph by Carolyn Kaster/AP.

Sumber: m.newyorker.com/onlineS E N S O Rborowitzreport/2013/06/obama-putin-agree-never-to-speak-to-each-other-again.html