Say Goodbye Forever Novel by Regean Wills _ Novel




Say Goodbye Forever Chapter 01

My boyfriend—Zachary Hartnell, the hottest guy on campus—was terrified of physical intimacy.
When we were caught on the kiss cam during the concert, he refused to kiss me, leaving me humiliated in front of everyone.
But the moment the camera landed on him and his close friend, he kissed her without the slightest hesitation.
Later, he explained to me, "Sammie, don't get the wrong idea. It's only because I don't have feelings for her that I could kiss her so effortlessly. Besides, in that situation, not kissing her would have totally killed the vibe. Anna would have been humiliated!"
So when the camera swung back to us, I suddenly hooked an arm around the neck of the hot stranger beside me and kissed him. 
It was the kiss cam moment of the concert. I watched as Zachary and I appeared on the big screen. A secret surge of excitement washed over me. I thought that, just maybe, this would finally be my chance to get a kiss from him. After all, every other couple before us—straight, gay, or lesbian—had done exactly that.
"Kiss! Kiss!" ten thousand fans roared in unison. The energy in the stadium reached a fever pitch. All eyes were on us.
I turned toward Zachary. I just wanted to get it over with and kiss him already—before it got awkward. But as I mustered my courage and leaned in, Zachary abruptly jerked away, dodging me.
I knew he struggled with intimacy issues. The closer he was to someone, the harder it was for him to show affection. In our three years together, he had never even held my hand in public, let alone kissed me.
The crowd erupted in a chorus of laughter. Even though my heart sank, I forced a smile. "It's okay, Zachary. I understand."
And I did. After three years, I was used to it. How could I not understand by now?
I still remembered our first date at the cinema. I had carefully picked out a romantic movie. Inside the dim theater, the sweet music swelled, and the leads on screen shared a tender embrace... The atmosphere was perfect—electric with intimacy. I tentatively reached my hand toward his.
But the moment our fingertips brushed, he jerked his hand away as if he'd been stung! He moved so fast and so suddenly that he even knocked over the iced Coke sitting on the armrest between us. The dark liquid soaked through my light-colored dress immediately.
I froze on the spot, my cheeks burning with shame under the weight of a hundred stares. Every display of affection from other couples felt like a slap in the face—a cruel, public mockery of my own situation. I had no interest in the movie anymore. I just got up as quickly as I could and fled the theater.
Zachary followed closely behind. We walked in silence down the empty street.
"Sammie, I'm sorry." His voice came from behind. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I just wasn't ready... I didn't mean to scare you. It's chilly tonight; don't catch a cold." With that, he draped his jacket over my shoulders.
In the moonlight, he kept his head down, his profile twisted with guilt, as helpless as a child who was sorry for what he'd done. Maybe he really had just been careless. I shouldn't write him off over a single mistake.
There wasn't another soul in sight, and the streetlights stretched our shadows long against the pavement. I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him. He paused, looking down at me with a confused expression. Gathering what little courage I had left, I closed my eyes and rose on my tiptoes, leaning in quickly to kiss him. There was no one around now—surely this was okay.
Suddenly, the sound of laughter and chatter drifted from a nearby alley. A group of young people, arms around each other's shoulders after a late night out, stepped into view.
As if by reflex, Zachary shoved me away. Caught completely off guard, I slammed into a lamppost behind me. The impact sent a dull, throbbing pain up my back. Tears welled up in my eyes. I slapped him hard across the face, then turned and bolted, unable to stay in that humiliating spot for even a second longer.
"Sammie! Samantha, wait!" Zachary called out frantically, chasing after me. I tuned him out, but he caught up to me anyway. "I'm sorry, Sammie! I swear I didn't mean it! I just wasn't ready!"
"Not ready? We're dating, Zachary! Does kissing me really scare you that much? Does it disgust you enough that you had to shove me away? If you hate me this much, then let's just end this!"
"No!" He shook his head violently, his eyes rimmed with red. He lunged forward to grab my hand, but I dodged him. "Don't break up with me, Sammie. Please, don't leave me... I don't hate you. How could I ever hate you? It's me. It's my own problem. I'm terrified of physical intimacy..."
That was the first time I had ever heard of intimacy anxiety. It turned out that Zachary's mother had passed away when he was young, and he had grown up in a single-parent household. His father was always buried in work and rarely had time for him. From an early age, he was raised under strict rules to be independent and sensible. Years of emotional repression in his childhood made him reject all forms of physical intimacy. That trauma followed him well into adulthood.
Even though Zachary couldn't give me the physical affection I craved, he was perfect in every other way. In the end, I couldn't help but soften. I reached out and gently wiped away his tears. "Alright, stop crying. I'm not angry anymore, and I won't mention breaking up again."
He clutched my hand as if I were his only lifeline, promising over and over, "I'll change, Sammie. I'll do whatever it takes to overcome this. Thank you... Thank you for not giving up on me."
So, I waited. I stayed patient, believing that with enough love, I could heal him bit by bit. But that wait lasted three whole years.

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