JAPAN - Scientists have cloned a wooly mammoth!

A Japanese scientist has successfully cloned a real, actual woolly mammoth! There will be a real Jurassic Park in Japan.

“It took five years of hard work, but our team of genetic engineers pulled it off,” said Japanese Science Minister, Arata Aoi.

Scientists around the world are concerned because mammoths may use their special frog DNA to become hermaphroditic, and then they breed, and then they would be able to use their tusks to murder countless numbers of citizens and there won’t be much authorities will be able to do.

“Bullets won’t affect Mammoths,” said Assistant Secretary of Defense, Chris Blanton. “If they breed like I’ve heard they do, I think they only way to stop them will be to drop another A-Bomb on Japan. That will be the only way to stop these vicious animals.”

Dr. Daiki Ikaki of Kyoto University is thrilled about cloning the mammoths and is excited to clone as many as twenty-five before the end of January.

“The success rate in the cloning of cattle was poor until recently but now stands at about 98 per cent with my new cloning technique,” he said. “I think the mammoths that we clone will all be healthy and will have long, normal mammoth lives.”

The last attempts at cloning mammoths were unsuccessful because the existing mammoth cells were too messed up by the millions of years of freezing cold. But Ikaki’s new technique was first successful in cloning a mouse from frozen tissue, then an African elephant and now a mammoth.

Ikaki is traveling to Siberia this summer to clone some mammoths for Russian Prime Minister, Vladmir Putin, who wants his own mammoth to ride.

Some believe that Putin has more nefarious ideas for using the mammoth.

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